Content
by Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel
Summary: Content: a state of peaceful happiness. That was the definition of the word. But, though he knew this intellectually, Castiel had never experienced this feeling before. At least, not until he met Dean. A sort of alternate ending to 9x09 'Holy Terror', where Dean actually tells Cas what's up instead of lying again. M for sexy times.


**Disclaimer: I don't own SPN.**

 **This was originally prompt 52 in my Moments story. However, I just kept writing and writing and eventually ended up with this enormity so I turned it into a oneshot and here it is: my fic in honour of Misha Collins' birthday! Happy birthday, Misha! We know you ship Destiel as much as we do! :P**

 **Also, this is my first attempt at writing smut. I hope it doesn't show! I've read plenty of it in preparation! ;)**

Content: a state of peaceful happiness. That was the definition of the word. But, though he knew this intellectually, Castiel had never experienced this feeling before. At least, not until he met Dean.

Their relationship had been rough at first. Castiel had expected gratitude from Dean for pulling him out of Hell but instead, Dean had been hostile and angry and it had confused Castiel. Did Dean really believe himself that unworthy of salvation that he hated Castiel for pulling him out?

And with all of the events of the 66 Seals following, their friendship had only improved marginally. In hindsight, Castiel could see how infuriating he had been and how indoctrinated and brainwashed he was; how much he desired and aimed to be the perfect soldier. But Dean had swept in like a hurricane and shaken up Castiel's simple world and before he knew it, he was rebelling and falling for this one human. Maybe that was why he had been so furious when Dean had contemplated and even tried giving up to Michael.

Their bond had been shattered during Castiel's alliance with Crowley and if Castiel could go back and tell himself not to work with the demon, he would in a heartbeat. The look on Dean's face after discovering his betrayal had nearly broken Castiel's heart and surprised the then-angel with the depth of his feelings. Though he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised at how much he loved Dean even then; one didn't rebel against their family and their home for someone that they did not utterly love.

Castiel could not think of his actions while imbibed with the Purgatory souls without feeling utterly ashamed of himself. How could he have done that? Who was he to play God? He was almost relieved when he had died as a result of the Leviathans bursting out of his body in the lake; then he wouldn't have to face the friends he had double-crossed and experience their looks of disgust and betrayal that he knew he so richly deserved. Maybe this was his penance. Maybe this was his redemption. Maybe this was how he was to atone for everything he had done.

But it was not to be. His Father brought him back once again, this time as an amnesiac man called Emmanuel who could perform minor miracles. That had been a brief moment of peace and bliss but something had been missing. He knew now that it was because he didn't have Dean but back then, he had felt as though a small part of him was gone and he didn't know what it was. Dean had become such a large part of him and his life and though he was ashamed to face Dean after all he had done, he was also relieved that Dean had forgiven him. So when he'd learned that Sam was suffering hallucinations of Lucifer as a result of the wall in his mind being broken (yet another thing that Castiel was sure he'd never redeem himself for), Castiel had done the only thing he could do: take Sam's insanity into himself. It had shattered his own mind, yes, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough to repay Sam and Dean for everything he had done to them.

Castiel's insanity passed in a haze. He did remember all of his interactions with Sam and Dean and Meg (who he was surprised to find that he was slightly attracted to) and Kevin, the new prophet of the Lord and the ghostly Bobby, but all of his other moments seemed to blend together in a fog of confusion and insanity.

And then came Purgatory. Castiel was surprised to find that he had regained his full sanity and with that came one clear goal: protect Dean at all costs. That was why he had distanced himself from Dean when all he wanted was to stay by his side. Not only did this draw the powerful monsters such as the Leviathans away but it also served as Castiel's self-imposed punishment: he wouldn't allow himself the pleasure of Dean's company after all he had done to him. If he hadn't opened Purgatory, they would not have had to kill Dick Roman and they wouldn't be trapped here! This whole situation was his fault!

So when Dean and his vampire companion had found him, Castiel had been both elated and horrified. Elated because he was finally back with Dean; horrified because he had to stay away from him! But Dean would not be willing to let him go, so Castiel had accompanied Dean and the vampire (Benny) to the portal that Benny claimed could transport a human out of Purgatory. Castiel disagreed with Dean's promise to take Benny with him but he did suppose that the vampire deserved it for helping Dean out of this place. And Castiel had to squash down the jealousy he felt at the newfound bond between Dean and Benny. He didn't deserve Dean so he had no right to be jealous!

It was both bliss and torture to travel with Dean through Purgatory. Castiel could think of nothing better than spending time with the man he now loved so deeply (though there was a very slim chance of Dean ever returning these feelings) but this also proved to be his torture. He could never have Dean; could never _allow_ himself to have Dean. So why did he choose to constantly stay by Dean's side, tormenting himself with what he couldn't have? Maybe this was his true punishment: to stay by the side of the one thing he wanted but could not have.

After all, how effective was a torture when it was one that you wanted? That you anticipated? That you needed?

Castiel was thrilled when Dean found the portal back to Earth but at the same time, he was saddened. He knew he could not go back with Dean. He had to stay here and pay penance! But Dean would never leave him behind. So, knowing full well how much it would hurt Dean, Castiel waited until the last possible minute before pulling away. The look of horror and despair on Dean's face tore at Castiel's heart agonisingly but this was how it had to be. He had to do this!

Why, then, did he suddenly find himself back on Earth when he had been moments away from being slaughtered by a Leviathan? How had he gotten out of Purgatory? Who had rescued him? That question had been answered by Naomi and opened a whole new world of betrayal, brainwashing and pain, in which Castiel once again hurt Dean. When he finally shook off Naomi's control only to be met with the sight of Dean's bloody and mangled face, he had nearly collapsed in horror then and there. He'd hurt Dean yet again!

So when the angel tablet started to whisper to him, telling him that it had to be protected at all costs, Castiel eagerly listened to it. He avidly allowed it to tell him that he had to keep it out of the hands of anyone who wanted to use it; Dean included. If he kept this tablet away from Dean then, by extension, he would also be kept away from Dean! He could avoid hurting Dean yet again!

That plan failed utterly. Naomi eventually caught up to him and then Crowley got his demonic hands on Castiel and literally tore the angel tablet away from him. Castiel had felt truly unworthy of Dean's friendship when the man he loved had accepted him back, even suspicious and hostile as he was. Castiel didn't deserve this chance! He didn't deserve any of the chances he'd been given.

So of course he had to completely ruin everything and trust Metatron and his plan to shut down Heaven. Castiel had concluded that he was simply destined to destroy everything he touched. His home…his friends…his family…his human…

Castiel. The prefix of cas-, meaning 'to fall' in Latin. The suffix of –el, meaning 'God' or 'of God'. His whole name literally meant 'fall from God'. How could Castiel be destined for anything other than causing everything he touched to crumble to dust?

Being human gave Castiel a completely different view of things; things he had once taken for granted. No longer could he simply force a human to do what he wanted; no longer could he simply exist without needing to eat and drink and urinate and needing to experience every other human necessity and discomfort; and no longer could he defend himself properly against those wishing to harm him. He did know human self-defence and how to defend himself but Jimmy's body was slim and more suited to a less physical avenue. The lack of angelic strength truly did make a difference.

When Dean had kicked him out of the bunker, Castiel had been hurt. Dean's rejection had practically ripped his insides up and, to his utter surprise, he had felt the urge to cry. He was an angel! He didn't experience emotions like this! Especially not as poignant and sharp as this!

No. He _was_ an angel. Now he was a useless human who lusted after a pretty female and ended up dead and was only good for working at a small convenience store where he even had to sleep out the back. But maybe he did deserve this. It was about time that Dean had come to his senses and realised that Castiel was not good for him! Finally, Dean had realised that Castiel was nothing but a disappointment; a failure who was useless to everyone! Now Dean could avoid being hurt by Castiel again! But he couldn't deny that it did hurt more than anything he had felt in a long time.

Castiel tried to forget about Dean and live his normal life. But when he caught wind of an angel slaughter in Caribou, Wyoming, he had to go and investigate. Making sure that he had the fake FBI badge, he mumbled a hurried excuse to Nora (who he had been a little distant with ever since the date misunderstanding) and fled the Gas 'n' Sip store. It took hitchhiking with several helpful people to get to Caribou and he immediately began investigating the deaths of the possessed bikers in the bar. When he caught sight of Sam and Dean in suits heading towards him, his insides fluttered and danced and he had to fight to keep a wide grin off his face.

"Ah, my colleagues," he said to the officer he was interrogating, excusing himself. Dean gave him a pointed look but Sam grinned and slapped him on the arm.

"Agent," Sam said in a mock official voice. Castiel smiled widely, feeling very special to be included in this game.

"Agent," he said excitedly. Dean immediately began to grill him but Castiel wasn't fazed by his tone. Instead, he focused on how the sound of Dean's voice did strange things to his insides and made him feel both hot and cold; both light and heavy; both exhilarated and fearful. What was this? Was this what human love felt like? Yes, Castiel could feel love. How else would he have fallen for Dean all those years ago? But he'd never felt a feeling so profound and intense before! Was this what love felt like to humans? Was this why humans were so desperate to find their 'soul mates'; their 'other halves'?

Was _Dean_ his soul mate?

During his beer session with Sam and Dean, Castiel found that the alcohol loosened him up, made him more outgoing and less inhibited. He was surprised at how outgoing he became under the influence of alcohol and he discovered that he was finding it harder and harder to resist leaning over and kissing Dean full on the lips. The only thing stopping him was that Dean would not appreciate it – after all, Dean was very clearly heterosexual – and, even if he felt that his very being was poison to all he came across, he selfishly couldn't bear to push Dean away and risk losing his friendship.

"Well, Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron's spell," he explained. "Presumably to – to retake Heaven once his following is large enough. That's according to April."

"The reaper you banged," Dean clarified. Castiel began to feel awkward. It wasn't customary to talk about previous relationships in front of a prospective or hopeful partner, was it?

"Yeah and you stabbed," he said.

"Yeah." They sat in awkward silence. "She was hot."

So maybe it was okay to discuss previous relationships. And anyway, there was no way that Dean considered him a possible romantic partner!

"So hot." Castiel allowed his mind to wander back to April and his sexual experience with her. "And very nice."

"Mm."

"Up to the point she started torturing me."

Dean shifted. Castiel wondered if he'd just messed everything up.

"Yeah. Well, not every hook up's perfect." Dean patted Castiel on the arm, which sent fire and electricity zinging up the nerves and deep into Castiel's core. The ex-angel shivered softly at the sensation and unconsciously leaned closer to Dean, wondering what it would be like to just lean that little further and capture those soft-looking lips with his own…

"I'm gonna get us another round," Sam said. Castiel took the opportunity to escape his train of thought.

"No, I'll get it!" he said quickly. He jumped off his stool and headed to the bar before swinging back to drink the last of his beer. "You know, I've never done this before!"

A pleasant buzz in his head, Castiel went to order them three more beers.

"Nice boyfriend," the bartender commented.

"Oh, no, he's not my boyfriend," Castiel said quickly. But the alcohol in his system didn't let him stop there. "But I wish he was, you know."

The bartender smiled sympathetically.

"Unrequited love, eh?" he said. Castiel nodded. "How long you known each other?"

"Around five years," Castiel replied, accepting the beers. "I pulled him out of Hell, you know. We had a fairly rocky start but…" Castiel sighed. "I love him so much…"

The bartender clapped him on the shoulder.

"Good luck, buddy."

"Thank you." Castiel returned to Sam and Dean. "Here we go. Three brewskies!"

"I'm going to get something out of the car," Sam said stiffly before leaving. Castiel cleared his throat.

"I, um, I noticed you look…kind of uncomfortable whenever Sam mentions my leaving. Doesn't he know that you told me to leave?"

It didn't make sense. Sam had to know that Dean had asked Castiel to leave! Why would Dean ask him to leave and not tell Sam?

"Here's the deal," Dean said. "When Sam was doing the trials to seal up Hell, it messed him up. Okay? The third one nearly killed him. If I'd let him finish, it would have. He's still messed up bad."

"You said the angel, Ezekiel, helped heal him," Castiel pointed out. What was going on? Dean opened his mouth, seemingly about to say something, but then sighed and shook his head.

"Look," he said. "If I tell you this, you can't tell anyone. At all. Especially Sam. You got that?"

"I got that," Castiel said, honoured that Dean was putting this kind of trust in him. Dean's next words absolutely floored him.

"Ezekiel's still healing Sam. From the inside."

Castiel stared at Dean in shock.

"Sam – Sam is possessed?" he forced out. Dean nodded, running a hand through his short, spiky hair wearily. "But what's the problem? Angels require consent to enter a vessel…"

"Yeah," Dean said. "We maybe, sorta…tricked Sam into saying yes. He's got no idea that Ezekiel's in him."

"Dean –"

"Don't. Don't say it, Cas. I know it's totally stupid and a dumbass move but…" Dean rested his forehead in one hand. "He's Sammy. He's my brother. And I'll be damned if I let him die."

Castiel looked at Dean sympathetically.

"And the reason you haven't wished for me to stay with you –"

"Yeah. Zeke says that you're an angel magnet and he doesn't want any of 'em near him. Look, man, you're my best friend but…"

Castiel understood.

"But it's Sam," he finished. "And you would do anything for your brother. I understand."

Dean shot him a relieved grin.

"You do?" he said. And Castiel did. The rejection may still hurt but now it made sense. And Castiel could definitely understand where Dean was coming from. If he had to choose between Sam and Dean, he would always choose Dean, even if he would feel horribly guilty about not choosing Sam.

"I do."

Dean gave an exhausted little chuckle and then shook his head.

"No. You know what? You're staying with us, Cas." Castiel blinked in surprise. "And if Zeke's got a problem then he can shove it up his ass. You're my best friend, Cas. I'm not leaving you out in the cold again."

Castiel felt the small spark inside him flare until all of his insides were on fire. Okay, so Dean hadn't professed his undying love. But he had admitted that Castiel was his best friend! Castiel didn't know how to feel!

"Thank you, Dean," was all he could say. "I'm truly appreciative."

Dean chuckled and slapped Castiel on the arm. A burst of fire seemed to lance from the spot. Castiel was finding it harder and harder to breathe and he was feeling a little lightheaded. Was it hot in here or was it just him? He noticed that Dean was staring at him and, unable to tear his eyes away from Dean's, Castiel found himself mesmerised by the bright green irises locked on him.

In that moment, he couldn't help it. Before Castiel knew what he was doing, he had leaned forward and pressed his lips against Dean's warm, soft ones. Dean stiffened and Castiel immediately pulled back, terrified that he had just ruined everything.

"Dean?" he said quietly. "I'm sorry, Dean. I've felt this way for years and I know that you do not reciprocate my feelings but – Dean?"

Dean was still staring at him blankly. His heart plummeting deep into his stomach, Castiel stood up to leave. A hand suddenly shot out and grabbed his wrist.

"Cas," Dean said hoarsely. "Wait."

Castiel stopped and slowly sank back into his seat. Dean's mouth worked for a moment.

"Why?" he finally managed to force out. "Just – why me?"

Castiel went to put a hand on Dean's arm but realised that this might scare Dean away. Instead, he looked deep into Dean's eyes and tried to push every little feeling for Dean, every little bit of sincerity, he felt through his gaze.

"Because I fell for you," he said. "I fell from Heaven. And I fell in love with you. And even if you never loved me back, I would do it all over again. The minute I touched your beautiful soul in Hell, I was finished. I love you, Dean."

Dean continued to stare at him.

"All this time?" he murmured. Castiel nodded uncomfortably.

"I know you are attracted to women, Dean," he said. "And I know that you would never love me back. That's why I never said anything. And besides…" Castiel looked down. "I didn't deserve you. Having you would make me happy and after everything that I've done…I don't deserve to be happy. I shouldn't be allowed any happiness. I ruin everything I touch and I've hurt and betrayed you so many times…"

Castiel tried to stand up but Dean's grip around his wrist prevented him from doing so.

"Dean –"

In the blink of an eye, Dean had grabbed the lapels of Cas' jacket and pulled him in for another kiss. Cas' mind immediately went blank and the only thing he could do was give in to the electricity surging through his body and kiss Dean back. They only stopped when they needed air and Castiel reluctantly pulled his swollen lips away from Dean's. They remained where they were, panting.

"Wow," was all Dean could say.

"Wow," Castiel agreed. Dean caught his eye and the pure, raw lust and desire in his dilated green eyes set Cas' body aflame and alerted him to a stiffening and bulging in his pants. He knew that this was the human male's physical response to arousal and he was not surprised to find that it was far more potent than it had been with April. After all, what he'd had with April was simply lust. With Dean…it was so much more.

"C'mon, Cas." Dean stood up and pulled Castiel to his feet.

"Where are we going, Dean?" Castiel forced out through his flaming body and cloudy mind. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his mind immediately flashed back to the case where that man's heart had beat clearly out of his chest.

"Back – back to the motel." Dean's breathing was fast and his pupils were dilated so much that only a small ring of green remained. "I need to – come on. I'll call Sam on the way."

Castiel eagerly followed. Were they going to have sex? Was he going to be able to have sex with Dean? The thought sent a thrill through him. The mere thought of having sex with Dean was ten times more exciting than the actual act with April had been!

The drive back to the motel was tense. Castiel was fidgeting awkwardly, trying to look anywhere but Dean but failing. By the same token, Dean's eyes were flitting to Castiel every few seconds and he was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white.

The minute Castiel shut the motel door behind them, Dean pounced on him and attacked his lips ferociously. Startled, Castiel's lips parted and Dean took the chance to shove his tongue into Castiel's mouth, igniting another inferno deep inside Castiel. As they stumbled backwards, the two of them engaged in an intense race of trying to rip each other's clothes off first and by the time Castiel's legs hit the bed, his jacket and tie had been pulled off and he had managed to strip Dean of his suit jacket.

With one push, Castiel fell backwards onto the bed and Dean immediately straddled him and began the difficult task of unbuttoning his shirt while also kissing Castiel again and again and again. Castiel gasped between each kiss, feeling as though his whole body had been lit on fire and that he was unable to breathe properly.

"Cas," Dean groaned. "Take – take it off."

He gestured to Castiel's shirt. Panting, the ex-angel hurried to pull his shirt off himself and then Dean pinned Castiel back down on the bed with one hand splayed on his chest while kissing him again, even nipping his lip this time. Castiel let out a loud groan, almost immediately feeling embarrassed by his lack of control, but the sound seemed to arouse Dean even further and the intensity of his kisses deepened. Castiel tugged at Dean's tie and buttons, almost ripping them off in the process, and it seemed to take too long but finally, Dean was able to shrug his shirt and tie off and all Castiel could do was stare at the bare chest above him. He reached out to touch it but then paused. Was this really happening? Could he really touch Dean intimately, just like he'd always wanted to do?

"What the hell are you waiting for?" Dean growled. Castiel's fingers gently brushed across Dean's torso and the man above him let out another groan before smashing his lips against Castiel's again. Castiel was disappointed when Dean's mouth moved away from his but when Dean latched on to Castiel's jaw and began to kiss, he stiffened in surprise. This was all so overwhelming! How could this possibly be far, far better than it had been with April?

' _Because you love Dean,'_ a small voice inside his head said. It was quickly smothered when Dean began to suckle on Castiel's throat, right above his pulse. Castiel groaned and tipped his head back to give Dean better access. He could feel a slight stinging as Dean's lips and teeth sucked on the spot and when Dean moved away and trailed kisses down Castiel's chest, he knew that there was going to be a mark. But he found that he didn't mind. The thought of being marked by Dean excited him very much!

Castiel let out a mewling whimper when Dean's lips closed around one stiff nipple and began to suck and tease. This new sensation sent bolts of electricity arcing through his whole body and Castiel immediately arched his back and gasped. He felt Dean smile around the nipple in his mouth and then, after one last playful tweak with his tongue, he moved on to the next nipple. This excited Castiel even more and his hands scrabbled weakly at the sheets underneath him, trying desperately to find some sort of hold or anchor in this sea of whirling sensations.

"You like that, do you?" Dean murmured. His rough, coarse voice sent shivers down Castiel's spine and he nodded desperately, wanting Dean to go back to playing with his nipples. However, Dean had other ideas; he abandoned Castiel's nipples and began to trail more kisses down his stomach, still smiling at the sounds he was eliciting from Castiel.

"We're not even up to the good bit," he smirked. Castiel whined loudly. How could this possibly get any better? His question was answered when Dean unbuckled Castiel's belt, unbuttoned his slacks and pulled them and his boxers down in one smooth motion. The cool air on his stiff length made him shiver involuntarily but the kisses that Dean pressed to his stomach immediately began to heat him up again. He fumbled awkwardly at Dean's belt, finally managing to undo it, and then he tugged at the buttons on Dean's pants. Dean had to pause in kissing Castiel to help undo his pants and then he simultaneously pulled his pants and underwear down and shimmied out of them. Castiel's eyes roamed over every inch of Dean's body, trying to take in the full beauty all at once. He could really have this? He could really touch and caress and love every inch of Dean?

"Course you can, Cas," Dean panted. Castiel blinked when he realised that he had spoken aloud but when Dean ground his hips down into Castiel's, his mind sparked and then short-circuited. He immediately groaned and rolled his hips up, seeking more of that friction, but Dean smirked and raised his hips just enough that Castiel couldn't find any purchase.

"Dean!" Castiel complained.

"Not so fast, angel boy," Dean growled, his eyes mapping out Castiel's body. "I'm taking my time with you…you'll be a mess by the time I'm finished with you."

This alone drove Castiel wild, so when Dean licked his hand and palmed the ex-angel's erection, Castiel just about exploded. Panting loudly, he bucked his hips and tried desperately to seek out more. He needed Dean to touch him! And touch him, Dean did; he began to slide his hand up and down Castiel's length, slowly at first but then faster, and Castiel melted into a quivering, boneless pile, only able to whine and moan and throw his head around helplessly. He felt heat began to pool in his abdomen and spine and, knowing that his release was close, grabbed Dean's wrist.

"Not – not yet," he gasped. He weakly pushed himself into a sitting position and then bent over and wrapped his lips around Dean's dick. Dean's jaw dropped and he let out a soft moan, which increased in volume when Castiel hesitantly licked Dean's slit. He'd never done this before and he was determined to get it right and –

"Argh!" Dean hissed. Castiel immediately stopped and his head shot up, a strand of saliva connecting his mouth and Dean's dick.

"What is it, Dean?" he said worriedly.

"No teeth, Cas!" Dean winced.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Just get back to – to what you were doing!"

Not needing to be told twice, Castiel dipped his head and resumed the blowjob he had been giving Dean, while Dean's fist clenched around dark handfuls of Cas' hair and tugged. The noises coming from Dean's mouth were wild, desperate, rough and filthy and Castiel could feel that fire starting to pool in his belly again just from the sounds alone.

"No – stop –" Dean tugged at Castiel's hair a little harder and the ex-angel once again pulled back from his task.

"What's wrong this time, Dean?"

"Nothing – nothing's wrong. Just – not yet."

Dean pushed Castiel, sending the ex-angel sprawling back onto the bed, and then he began to slowly move and grind his hips against Castiel's. The contact immediately began to push Castiel back towards the edge of release and while Dean tried to find a rhythm, Castiel simply bucked and thrust and tried desperately to find any little bit of friction he could. They eventually settled into a clumsy rhythm, full of thrusts and pants and loud whines and moans, and Castiel found that half of what was driving him crazy were the sex-fuelled sounds that Dean was making. He was going insane!

That heat was back but this time, it continued to spread and lick all up Castiel's spine and throughout his belly. Castiel could feel his dick begin to pulse and then, with one last thrust of Dean's hips, Castiel felt his world explode in a burst of white. He couldn't believe the unbelievable euphoria coursing through him! All he could do was let out a high-pitched cry, his muscles seizing, scrabbling frantically at the bed beneath him to find something to grab onto, his vision exploding in stars…and then it was over. A moment later, he felt Dean stiffen and then, with one last yell, Dean came and coated Castiel's stomach in a sticky white mess. Dean rolled off Castiel and collapsed on his back, panting. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

"Wow," Castiel finally managed to force out.

"Wow," Dean agreed. He turned his head to look at Castiel and grinned wearily. "Everything you expected, angel boy?"

"More," Castiel said breathlessly, his head lolling so that his face was inches from Dean's. His whole body felt weak and jelly-like and he felt as though every bone had been removed from his body, leaving him a quivering mess. "Far more."

Dean chuckled before weakly slinging an arm around Castiel and pulling him closer, ignoring the mess between the two of them. Castiel snuggled into Dean immediately, resting his head on Dean's chest and listening to the slowing heartbeat as Dean's body calmed down from what they had just done.

"I've wanted to do that for ages, you know," he said conversationally, absently stroking Castiel's hair. "Ever since I found out you were alive after those Leviathan sons of bitches made you walk into that lake…I was so jealous of Meg, y'know. But I figure you'd never be interested in someone like me. I mean, who would be? I'm a pretty crappy person to be around…I always hurt everyone I love. Everyone around me ends up dead."

"Don't say that, Dean," Castiel said firmly. "You're not a crappy person to be around. I love being around you. If anything, it is the opposite: I am the one who hurts everybody I love."

"That's not true, Cas," Dean sad harshly. They were silent for a moment. "Agree to disagree?"

Castiel laughed.

"Of course, Dean." He closed his eyes, Dean still playing with his hair, unable to believe that he had managed to win Dean and that Dean actually wanted him.

For the first time, Castiel knew what it was to be content.


End file.
